Hi, this is Danni. Welcome to Friday Feedback.
If you ask sociologist and author Anette Prehn about the most important tip for good feedback, she'll say:
Anette Prehn: In feedback, I think one of the most important things is to secure the other person's status.
So one of the most important things is to achieve status with the recipient. But what does that really mean?
Anette Prehn: Giving feedback from a place where you are aware of whether the other person feels okay - and good enough. And can see yourself making certain changes, but in a way that seems manageable.
Maybe you've already experienced it yourself. You've given someone, an employee or a colleague some feedback, and right there, they don't feel very well treated.
The effect of "status threats"
What happens when the recipient feels empowered by your feedback is that they will either start explaining themselves or...
To say: "What you think you saw was not what really happened."
But it could also be that they attack you and the situation actually develops in a very negative way compared to what your good intentions might have been.
And eventually, the receiver may simply shut down.
All because you somehow managed to create a status threat for them.
My own huge fuck-up
I once did this. And it's actually one of the most embarrassing things I've ever done.
I had a meeting for 8-10 people and one of our managers was always present at this meeting.
He wasn't my manager, but my manager's manager's manager's manager - something like that. He was kind of a core element of the company, but he was also sometimes late because he was so busy.
It annoyed me a little bit and at this point I lacked energy.
Maybe that's the explanation.
But it was definitely not cool that when he walked in the door, I high-fived him and he stepped closer with a smile, because he was actually in a good mood. Before we could clap, I said: "You're 5 minutes late!"
The mood changed quite a lot, I would say.
Obviously, right there, he felt a sense of status because I gave him feedback in front of everyone else at the meeting.
It's one of the most unprofessional things I've ever done and I understand that it took some time for our relationship to heal.
The rest of the meeting didn't work very well either.
So what can you do to kind of not create this sense of status threat? Because that must be the goal, right?
Anette Prehn: Yes, but I'd rather turn it around, Danni. Because the status structure, that's what you want to get away from. I'd rather have the status of the recipient.
Okay, Anette Prehn adds another nugget here. Which is that we want to speak in towards language and not away-from language. Because the brain doesn't understand.
I mean... not? "not" :-D
So how do we earn status with the recipient?
Anette Prehn: Firstly, you can express a certain humility by telling what your good intention is. So that is, the other person understands what the point is, "Where am I coming from."
Here Anette hits on something really central to team and feedback culture.
Namely, if we can have a general understanding that: "people come from a good place - people have a good intention when they give me feedback."
So,a recap on the tip of the week:
Berecipient-oriented in the sense that you make sure you maintain the status of the recipient, while being aware of the recipient:
"Are they in a good place? Do they feel good enough?"
Because otherwise, it might be the most important thing in that particular situation.
Thanks for watching.
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