You don't have to listen to more than one episode of Mads og Monopolet to know that we Danes are incredibly conflict-averse. "My middle manager always steals my good ideas and presents them as her own to her managers. I don't know what to do," a frustrated Hella Joof and Uffe Buchard might say from an unsecure phone connection, after which Hella Joof and Uffe Buchard can sit and argue about it. Saturday after Saturday, we entertain ourselves with one dilemma after another, typically revolving around whether we should initiate a confrontation or remain silent - and more often than not, we would rather remain silent than start a conflict, even if it means compromising our well-being, well-being and sometimes our integrity. However, this conflict-averse tendency not only characterizes our private lives and personal relationships, but also our behavior in the workplace - behavior that doesn't necessarily benefit you or the company.
You're doing yourself and your workplace a disservice
The conflict-averse nature of many workplaces can be detrimental to both the company and the individual employee. A scenario that illustrates the negative consequences could be:
You never say no to the extra tasks you're constantly asked to do that you can't even see the relevance of. Instead of confronting your manager, you bite your tongue, but you can feel the stress building up inside you because you have too many tasks to do. Not only do you get stressed, but you also start to resent your manager, who you feel doesn't respect you, and therefore your wellbeing drops.
Overwork and a negative relationship with your boss can influence each other in a negative, self-reinforcing process that can ultimately lead to a stressed-out sick leave simply because you refrained from confrontation.
Of course, it's never good for a company when employees take sick leave, but the fear of conflict also affects the company in other ways. For example, managers often accept that employees are underperforming, which in turn gives extra work to the hard-working employees. This can lead to unnecessary inefficiency, which is problematic because, at the end of the day, efficiency is what keeps the wheels turning in a business. Additionally, it can stifle innovation because we often prefer to keep our good idea quiet if it doesn't align with the idea that's being adopted.
Amazon: conflict brings about innovation
One example of a company that manages to create a culture that embraces conflict is Amazon. Tony Galbato, head of human resources at Amazon, says:"It would certainly be much easier and socially cohesive to just compromise and not debate, but that may lead to the wrong decision". Part of the culture at Amazon is that there is no compromise, because the best idea needs to be chosen if they want to continue their massive growth adventure. Employees are instructed to: "rip into colleagues' ideas, with feedback that can be blunt to the point of painful, before lining up behind a decision". This philosophy has created tremendous efficiency, innovation and growth at Amazon, and if they don't enforce this viewpoint, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos worries that Amazon will become a "country club" like Microsoft. Because in his own words: "If Amazon becomes like Microsoft we will die".
Learn how you can use good feedback in your organizational culture
Former Amazonian: "Nearly every person I worked with, I saw cry at their desk."
As the headline suggests, if the organizational culture becomes too competitive and conflictual, it can have negative consequences for employees. At the same time, it's a requirement to contribute ideas and not remain silent, but if your idea doesn't go down well, you can be sure you'll be told - and not in a considerate way. At Amazon, employees' skills are often not recognized, which leads to a lack of well-being, as seen in the internally well-known phrase: "Amazon is where overachievers go to feel bad about themselves". Not having your skills recognized can also lead to a lack of motivation, which is possibly why only 15% of Amazon employees have been with the company for more than 5 years. So, the evidence suggests that conflict is good, but only to a certain extent if you still want to foster a positive organizational culture. But how do you strike this balance?
Try reading about paradox management here.
The key is respectful disagreement
"When two people believe opposing things, chances are that one of them is wrong. It pays to find out if that someone is you" says Ray Dalio, founder of the world's largest hedge fund, Bridgewater Associates. Ray Dalio developed the concept of respectful disagreement, which emphasizes that the point of conflict is not to convince the other person of your point of view. Rather, the focus is to find out who is right by listening to the other party. For this to make sense, both parties need to be motivated by not overlooking important perspectives, because if you are, you will naturally "seek first to understand and then to be understood". Conflict is not about who wins, but rather, conflict is an opportunity to learn something new. In this regard, Dalio believes that the real winner of the conflict is the one who walks away feeling they have learned something.
Learn about: authentic leadership here
Take the conflict for the sake of humanity
Conflicts and confrontations are therefore not something we should avoid at all costs - neither in our personal nor professional lives. With the right mindset, conflict is by no means a negative, but a source of learning and innovation. So seek to understand before you expect to be understood, and then the foundation for a good exchange is laid. Because as Ray Dalio points out, the consequences are great if we avoid confrontation, as "holding wrong opinions in one's head and making bad decisions based on them instead of having thoughtful disagreements is one of the greatest tragedies of mankind".
However, if you're sitting back now and you really just like to make people listen to what you 're saying, you might want to read this article.
.png)
