Friday feedback with Danni Liljekrans.
When we want to change a behavior, there are several ways to do so.
Here are four typical ways and you'll have the opportunity to reflect on which ones you recognize and perhaps use most frequently yourself.
You know when someone always forgets some little thing? But it's annoying as hell! For example, forgetting to close the door behind them when they leave the office so that all the noise from the hallway comes in.
Or, someone who forgets to refill the coffee machine even though it clearly says "Out of beans!"
Or someone who forgets to move a story (if you're in a software team) from the "TO DO" to the "IN PROGRESS" column. That way you run the risk of two people working on the same task.
In these situations, I would of course say: Have you considered giving some feedback?
But really, there are four different strategies we can use. Before I tell you the four strategies, let me relate with an example.
I run the company Better Feedback from a shared office space where we have about eight people in one room. This room has a door to the kitchen, which is usually a bit noisy. This means that when the other users of the shared office space walk through the door, they sometimes forget to close it. And now it's exciting, because what strategy do the colleagues I'm sitting next to use? I've been curious about that. It's almost always Simon who forgets to close the door. So let's use Simon in this example.
Strategy number 1
We don't say anything. We wait until Simon has left the room.
And if there's a lot of noise out there, we can either put in headphones and turn up the music and ignore it.
The other version of strategy one is to wait until Simon has left and possibly go over and close the door. Or hope that someone else comes and remembers to close the door.
Strategy number 2
Strategy number two to change behavior through feedback is to articulate to Simon:
"Hey, can you close the door? Thanks." - when he does something "wrong". So: articulate the mistake.
Ifyou've been using strategy one a lot, at some point you might not want to do it anymore. Then you use strategy two - but with a little twist of anger. And then you might say:
"Simon, can you please close the door?! Surely [biiiiiiiip swear word] it can't be that hard!"
It's probably not the most obvious dialog to have in your everyday life.
Strategy number 3
Strategy number three is to articulate the success.
A couple of weeks ago, Simon remembered to close the door behind him, and when he did, I made eye contact with him and said: "Hey Simon. Thanks for closing the door. It makes a big difference actually, because a lot of people forget. Thank you."
Then he smiled back and said: "Absolutely!"
Right there, we connected a positive experience to Simon when he closed the door. Hopefully, this can create a little bit of behavioral change in Simon. And more importantly! It has created a little positive interaction between me and Simon. It's quite nice for our collaboration to have that kind of crossover during the day.
Strategy number 4
The fourth strategy is to change the framework or process. In this situation, it would mean writing to the administrator and asking if we can get a spring on the door. And that makes sense in this situation, but there's a catch. Because if you solve all your problems with a "spring on the door" or by changing the structure, people won't talk to each other. Strategy number three is actually attractive in some situations because people need to articulate what it is they like.
When we use strategy three more often, we also practice communicating these things that work and don't work with each other.
If we only use strategies one and four, what do we do when a situation suddenly arises that we can't solve? Where we need to talk to another human being?
It doesn't matter, but that's what I often help companies with, because strategies two and three are really the hard part.
What about you?
What situations from your everyday life come to mind when we talk about these strategies?
Which strategy do you use the most?
Is it strategy one where you dodge and maybe take on a little too much?
Is it strategy four where you think: "I don't like the conflict, can we do something so that we don't have to communicate or maybe give each other feedback?
Or is it strategies two and three? Maybe especially strategy two, where you articulate every time you see something wrong. Because then you could start looking for "When did they get it right last time?", or "When will they get it right next time?" - and then say it to them in that situation instead.
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