We all make mistakes. Again and again. But being aware of our most common mistakes can help us reflect on and critically assess the way we give feedback. Because ultimately, we want to give constructive feedback to reinforce a behavior, change a behavior or create new learning in our recipient. At Feedwork, we help you be aware of how to improve your feedback.
These are 10 of the most common mistakes you'll make when giving feedback:
1. You give feedback for your own sake
Are you speaking from your own needs? The recipient doesn't feel that your feedback is about developing them, more about you wanting to position yourself in a certain way. If it's not clear what the recipient can gain from listening to your feedback, don't give it.
2. Your feedback becomes a monologue
You explain, give examples, elaborate, rephrase, reproduce, suggest, inspire - but where did the recipient leave off on this journey? If you want the recipient to change and learn from your perspective, they need to get involved. Good feedback is dialogic and includes the recipient's views, understandings and assumptions. Dialogue creates co-ownership and motivation.
3. You don't have the recipient's consent
Acceptance is a fundamental prerequisite for learning to occur. So if the recipient isn't ready to receive feedback from you right now, the likelihood of them learning anything is negligible. Keep in mind that your relationship plays an important role in acceptance - is giving feedback a normal part of your collaboration or something new?
4. Your feedback becomes too confrontational
Criticism has its place, but if the recipient feels that their social status is threatened, they will switch to a freeze-flight response. Amygdala Hijack. From here, the recipient isn't thinking about development anymore, but instead - "How do I get out of here?". Several things can trigger this reaction, the content of your feedback, the way you give the feedback, which other colleagues are present when the feedback is given, the emotional state of the recipient.
5. Feedback becomes too soft and vague
You are very careful not to hurt your recipient's feelings. This leads to wrapping your feedback so thoroughly in polite phrases and small talk that the message of your feedback is lost. You need to strike a balance between being considerate and communicating clearly and concisely.
6. The feedback lacks concrete examples
"I think you are very unstructured in our collaboration." Come on, you can do it. Exactly what parts of your colleague's behavior contribute to your perception of a lack of structure? Be specific with examples, situations and experiences to make it easier for them to receive your perspectives and grow.
7. You give too much feedback at a time
Now is a great time. You've mustered up the courage. You've prepared thoroughly. In your eagerness, you overload the recipient with 10 things they need to do differently. The recipient loses courage and direction. Go for 1% improvements every week and a sense of achievement instead of 10% every quarter.
8. Your feedback focuses too much on problems
Focusing on the past may be inherent in the word "feed back". It can also make a lot of sense, especially when you want to be specific with your observations. For your criticism to be constructive, it's important to help your recipient move forward with some solutions in hand. Feedback should provide a sense of momentum, momentum and actionability.
9. Your credibility is too low
Sometimes you give feedback on things that are outside your domain. Things you know nothing about. Be careful not to do this, especially to recipients who are specialized in the field. One way to help yourself is to articulate your limited insight. "It's not that I'm an expert in any way, I just wondered if you could..."
10. You give feedback that the recipient doesn't care about
Humans are very selective about the things we can spend resources on. So if your feedback doesn't align with the things the recipient cares about, they won't bother getting involved. You can consider your timing in relation to the recipient's journey - does your input contribute to the project Thomas is working on right now?
What's next?
One thing is almost certain; you won't make all of these mistakes at the same time. The best thing you can do is pick one of these that you recognize yourself in. Write it down on a notepad and bring it with you as a focal point for your next feedback sessions. That way, you can get better at giving feedback step by step.
Enjoy the ride.
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